January 17, 2022
A Chaplain’s Confession
By: Marge Wentland, Board Certified Chaplain, ACPE Educator
I have a confession to make.
The past year I have become a person I often do not like. I find myself complaining about others and judging them if they do not see things as I do. I have felt angry, judgmental, and righteous – sure that my perspectives are the “right” ones. I have unfollowed friends and family on social media. I grieve that I no longer feel the same about some as I did before the pandemic. I tend to gravitate toward like-minded people and news sources that validate my position, rather than openly explore others’ perspectives. In my job, I hold my feelings and opinions in check, and communicate professionalism. Internally, it can be another case. I feel distress when my thoughts do not align with my values and beliefs.
I feel distress when my thoughts do not align with my values and beliefs.
This type of attitude is toxic and needs to change for my health, happiness, and well-being. As we start a new year, it is the time for me—and perhaps others who might be in the same boat—to work toward healing the hurt and division of the last year. I fear what will happen to CentraCare, and indeed society, if we do not.
The tragic gap
Parker Palmer, an American author, educator, and activist writes about being in the tragic gap:
“By the tragic gap I mean the gap between the hard realities around us and what we know is possible—not because we wish it were so, but because we’ve seen it with our own eyes.”
In the past eleven years, I have seen and experienced you and us at our best. Your dedication, hard work, self-sacrifice, generosity, and compassion are the reasons I am proud to work for CentraCare. I know who we are and who we can be, which raises the question: How can we live in the tragic gap and work toward what we know is possible? First, we need to be kind to ourselves and others as we grieve what was lost.
Acceptance
In 1969, psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross identified Acceptance as the fifth stage of grief. Several world religions embrace acceptance as an essential spiritual practice. The Bible has more than 50 verses about accepting others. Jesus stated in the Great Commandment, “to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” For Muslims, acceptance means having patience, endurance, and self-restraint when faced with adversity. It involves having faith and behaving according to their faith, rather than struggling with or retreating from an adverse situation. In Hinduism, acceptance means that though others may not be alike, and our paths may be different, our paths lead to the same destination.
Acceptance is not the same as resignation, it involves active discernment which is implicit in the Alcoholics Anonymous’ familiar Serenity Prayer:
A dream, a song
Recently, I dreamt that I was supposed to sing a song when I am about to travel down my 2021 well-trodden path of negativity. The song I awoke singing was, “Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin with Me.” So now, I silently sing this refrain when I am tempted to grumble. Another practice I have adopted is wishing for others the same things I wish for myself or my loved ones. “May we be happy, may we be healthy, may we be wholesome, may we be kind, may we be at peace.” I invite you to find your own way of standing in the tragic gap while working toward the vision of who you want CentraCare to be. May 2022 be a year of health, healing, and hope for you.