November 16, 2021
Joy’s Blog: Journey Home
The journey with my dad continues and two weeks ago, he made the courageous decision to say enough is enough. What he wanted for the remainder of his life was to be discharged from the hospital after having repeated aspiration pneumonia, and go home with me to have a comfortable death. This was not an easy decision by any means because there were so many parts of him that were not ready to face this reality. As a nurse, I knew the risks were high as we began this cancer journey, but when the reality of death is upon you – especially for your dad, a man you have looked up to your whole life – you too are not ready.
When the reality of death is upon you — especially for your dad, a man you have looked up to your whole life — you too are not ready.
On October 30, we went home to begin a new journey, as Dr. Yarke promised. It was a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon and we made it just in time for the Gophers football game. My sister and brother-in-law went to my home and got a new bedroom ready for my dad – our porch. The bright fall colors outside are visible through the windows, it has a cozy fireplace that my dad loves, and it would accommodate the equipment we anticipated he would need over the time that we had left. The very next day, the hospice nurse came to our home and met with my sisters and my dad, and we made a plan.
At first the routine was not much different, but as the days went on, there were subtle changes. We made plans for our two daughters to come home as they had not seen their grandpa since they went off to college in late summer. With everyone home, we planned a last family dinner and had this on Saturday, November 6th. Food was generously provided by some dear friends so that we could concentrate on being together, sharing laughs, watching Gopher and Badger football, and mostly just sharing the love we have for one another.
I am thankful as a family we have the support of the hospice team to continue with the days ahead that we have left.
In my heart I knew after this event took place that we would see more rapid changes. I knew my dad was waiting to have his daughters and granddaughters together one last time. As I predicted, more rapid changes have been occurring this past week. I am thankful as a family we have the support of the hospice team to continue with the days ahead that we have left. Their care and compassion are remarkable, and I know this is the journey my dad wants, although not in this timeline. Yet I am so thankful he is getting the care he wants – love and comfort.
Meanwhile, you all are caring for dads and other family members during the most challenging of times. Your work means so much to so many.
From the bottom of my heart,
Joy