C-ICU Nurses
it was life changing
C-ICU nurses share their pandemic experiences.
When the pandemic hit St. Cloud Hospital, the “C” in C-ICU suddenly stood for “Cardiac” and “COVID.” Nurses who were accustomed to dealing with angiograms and bypass surgeries had to quickly adapt to PPE and intubating patients.
“The C-ICU was the original COVID ICU when the virus hit,” said Kirsten Skillings, APRN, Director of Inpatient Cardiology. “Cardiac patients were assigned to the ICU so we would send nurses up to the ICU for cardiac care. Between the ICU and C-ICU, we shared staff as needed.”
Recently two C-ICU nurses – Hannah Welinski and Amy Zimmer – sat down to talk about their experiences.
Amy Zimmer started nursing at St. Cloud Hospital 20 years ago. She says the recent relative calm in the C-ICU has felt almost unnatural after the past two years.
“You can actually breathe, and you almost don’t know what to do with it. I am used to running, literally running, for 12 hours, and now we have downtime sometimes,” reflected Zimmer. “Yesterday, I was the charge nurse and I looked around and we were all chatting and laughing…just sitting and resting in between taking care of our patients. It’s surreal. And it’s hard to even think about the surges again, because I think if we think about it, we might have to live it again. And I don’t want to do that.”
Close Bonds
Zimmer said it was the close bonds she formed with her colleagues that got her through.
“We are caring, dedicated people. And I don’t know if we can endure anything harder than this. None of us signed up for a pandemic. But I do believe that what doesn’t break us makes us stronger. It was hell. It was hell on earth. And the bonds that we’ve made…I don’t think we will ever lose friendships that we’ve made through this. It was an amazing experience – not like ‘great, hallelujah, amazing’- but it was an amazing growing experience. The unit is ever changed, it will always have a little COVID in it. It was life changing, for sure.”
Hannah Welinski started as a C-ICU nurse three years ago, and had just one year under her belt when COVID hit. She’s now had more experience with COVID patients than cardiac patients.
“The one moment that I remember most clearly is their last moment before they go on the ventilator. They’re terrified, terrified because they know that ‘this is it, I’m up against a wall and I don’t have a choice,’” said Welinksi. “And nurses are the ones that push the medicine to make you fall asleep, so you’re sitting next to the patient, you’re holding their hand, you’re rubbing their back.”
Welinski said she always made sure her patients had a chance to talk to their loved ones.
“There were many times that you would hold the phone, and they were so short of breath that they were speaking in single-word sentences. To hear that intimate moment and then to be the one that puts them to sleep – that moment with multiple different patients is burned into my brain. And I do it because it’s important to them, but it’s also the moment that breaks me.”
Welinski said she still wrestles with the fact that she told patients they were going to be okay, not knowing in the moment if she was telling the truth.
Miracles
While the C-ICU has seen more than its fair share of death and heartbreak, there have been victories, too. Welinski described one patient as a “walking, talking miracle.”
“We took care of him for months, and he was so, so sick. So sick, and his wife never gave up on him. She was there every day, reading him the Bible, playing worship music. And she had three, four little kids at home. He is probably one of our greatest victories. And he didn’t remember being in our unit – he doesn’t remember me at all. But it provided a lot of closure for me to see him. He was walking down the hallway. Just unbelievable.”
Like Zimmer, Welinksi said coworkers are what got her through.
“We could not have done what we did without each other. And it was a large part of the reason I didn’t leave and do something else. Had I not had my coworkers, there’s no way I would have stuck around. They could have offered me a million dollars – it wasn’t worth it. But I had friends to talk to, to relate to and who understood what life was like. When you got together, you could kind of fall apart and it was okay. If you asked me two years ago what I was going to take away, I don’t think that would have been what I thought my answer was going to be. But it’s really that we don’t get through anything alone – it’s relying on each other.”
Two years into the pandemic, Welinski and Zimmer agree the C-ICU nurses have grown stronger together as a team.
