September 15, 2021
We all have our strengths and struggles.
By Rachel Wenner Ruzanic, MD
My little sister, Gretchen, was larger than life. Everything she did was absolutely brilliant. She was incredibly bright, creative, loving, and athletic. She was an amazing mother of three little children and a Staff Radiologist at Hennepin County Medical Center—and teaching Faculty of the Year. In our family, Gretchen was the youngest of four siblings—all of whom were physicians.
Gretchen Wenner Butler, MD died unexpectedly of suicide this year on March 5th.
Since then, a vulnerability has opened within me. We’re an extremely close family. We’re all in healthcare and we had so many protective measures. But nobody is immune to this. If it could happen in our family, it could happen in any family. And while there is so much that we’ll never understand, we’re trying hard to prevent this for someone else.
Gretchen was a bright star who burned out too soon.
Emotional Toll
In medicine, we’re trained to take on hard things. We are trained to be resilient. Not only are the hours grueling and the work intellectually and emotionally challenging, we deal with the pressures and emotional toll of life and death on a regular basis. But we are not trained to process that. We are human beings, and while we are extremely resilient, there is a time when you just need to be able to ask for help and not feel that you need to solve all of the problems all of the time.
I think that contributed to Gretchen’s death.
Perhaps because we’re not yet very good at asking for help, it just needs to be given. It needs to be automatic. When you receive your white coat, a debriefing counselor should be assigned to you. Someone who checks in on you regularly. At this point in the game, we need a systemic change–something automatically indoctrinated into our day-to-day physician lifestyle.
In medicine, while we are taught resilience, there is a time when taking on one more thing is not the healthy thing to do.
My Mantra
I’ve created a little mantra with my children, inspired by this terrifying vulnerability, as a constant reminder of our connected humanity: We all have our strengths and struggles. I recite it frequently just to remind us that it is all part of life. It’s a way to start those conversations at any age and to remind us all that there is always help and there is always hope; and that we are never alone.
In medicine, while we are taught resilience, there is a time when taking on one more thing is not the healthy thing to do. We also need to process and receive help.
Obviously, the pandemic has been hard on everyone. But I noticed in Gretchen, and I notice in myself, something that I have described as a leaky battery. A battery that is chronically being drained all the time. While the daily work is rewarding, it’s also grueling. And then, when you leave work—which is supposed to be your recovery and recharge time— you’re constantly trying to educate others. And then, when we are met with those who believe COVID is a hoax or those who refuse to follow the Healthcare Expert’s recommendations, it feels like a chronic slap in the face.
But in these past six months, I have Gretchen in the back of my mind. She has always inspired me, and she continues to do so. I hear her telling me to take care of myself. There’s so much work to be done in the world, but at the end of the day you’ve got to make sure you do what you need to do to take care of yourself…so you can get up again the next day and continue to try your best.
Changes
I know we need to make changes, but I don’t have all the answers. I remain curious. Let’s start having these conversations; let’s continue these conversations. Let us remember there is always help and there is always hope.
And that we all have our strengths and struggles.
National Physician Suicide Awareness Day is September 17th. If you find yourself struggling, having thoughts of suicide, or want to learn how to continue these conversations, visit Vital Signs.
Dr. Wenner Ruzanic,
Thank you so much for sharing Gretchen’s powerful story. I am deeply saddened for your family’s loss. My prayers are with you and your entire family and with all who knew Gretchen. Thank you for bringing awareness to this, and for advocating for others’ mental health. The daily demands of life have increased for so many during this pandemic, and I feel that you are sharing this message at a point when so many are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and that their battery is continuously leaking. Keeping an open dialogue about mental health and suicide is so important. Thank you for your wisdom, vulnerability, and continuous passion for helping others. I am going to recite your mantra with my own family and children.
Rachel, both personally and professionally you continue to inspire me. See all of those above me who have commented in support, as well as all of those below? We are all commenting because you, your sister, your family, or your story have touched us and motivated us to listen to ourselves more closely, be present for others more intuitively, and to journey together as we move forward through these really, really hard times.
Thank you for sharing these words and and sharing just how incredibly amazing Gretchen was to everyone around her. I miss and think about her everyday. This profession needs more providers like her and you and your sister who advocate just how important mental health is, especially in this profession where you are so used to being the helper. I really hope we see this change occur sooner than later.
Seeing you stand to make this difference and help educate everyone around you, your spirit and strength reminds me so much of Gret. Keep fighting.
When I lost my younger brother to cancer, a friend sent a note that said “we’re all just walking each other home.” Sharing our strengths and struggles is perhaps the way we navigate that journey together. I am so sorry for your loss, and so grateful you’ve shared your story.
Thank you for sharing such a powerful story. Your mom and dad have always been our role models. Now I’ll add their children to the list of amazing people I’ll look up to!
Dr. Wenner Ruzanic,
In having done some research on this topic, suicide – and its alarming recent incidence – is something that nobody wants to talk about. But, in fact, we need to be doing the exact opposite.
I think there is value in the leaky battery metaphor. Everyone should regularly take stock of their lives to keep from falling into that trap. All of healthcare is in need of a re-evaluation of how doctors and nurses are trained, how business gets done and what should be expected of us daily – to better protect our staff and their families.
Thank you for sharing your family’s story. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Rachel, your story is so powerful. My heart and soul deeply thank your heart and soul for sharing. My thought is that I feel Gretchen’s struggles helped you find the path to follow to grow and find your strengths going forward. It’s a strength like no other. It’s about how and what you can face and overcome. When times get tough, when we fall down, when we fail a whole bunch, and then when those that we love leave us – those are the times that we grow in strength. This is such a painful gift to receive, yet so full of power to help guide us for what’s yet to come.
My heart aches for your loss. The challenge of trying to be all, do all and strive for perfection every day rings true for every physician and many others. We must learn to tell each other and ourselves “you are enough” and then believe it. I am deeply grateful for your commitment and that of your family’s to share Gretchen’s story. You will save lives.
So sorry to hear this. We lost our niece in December 2019 and adopted her baby who is now going to turn 2 next week and I think about what life would be like for all of us if she hadn’t taken on that one more thing. She was also an amazing mother of three and a bright star. She’s with us and keeps us looking forward and stay aware of our own mental health.
Rachel although I do not know you or your family I admire your courage to share your story. Thank for sharing. God Bless you and your families.
Thank you so much for this Rachel! I just recently heard about this. I am so sorry for the loss of such a bright star. And yes, we can all get to those places. Please keep taking care of yourself!
Rachel. Although you may feel like you cannot help your sisters family , you are helping! And you are helping all of us in the health care industry as we are not vey good at helping each other sometimes. care givers need care. This is a message that can help us all. Thank you!!! Suicide is still misunderstood and we can all do better by trying to understand…
Kurt
Thanks for sharing your story and sorry for your loss. I lost a fiance to suicide many years ago and still wonder after 5 years, 10, 15… where would he be in life now.
Thank you for sharing the beautiful and important story Rachel!
Thank you for your strength in sharing your story.
Prayers to your family–such a difficult time. I lost my nephew to suicide 10 years ago and it still hurts. Treasure the memories of your sister. Prayers for her little family what cute little ones. Thank you for sharing your story to help bring awareness to mental illness.
Thank you Rachel for sharing, being vulnerable, and advocating for all of us!!
Dr Wenner Ruzanic, your sister sounds like an amazing person. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for this powerful message. I do find hope in it.
Oh Rachel, I am so very sorry for your loss and so grateful for your sharing your life and loss. Gretchen, while missed so deeply, certainly shines in your words of light and love. Your care for others, in your time of pain and loss are certainly reflective of yourself and your beautiful families. Thank you for your generous care for others. May Gretchen’s memory be a continued blessing. I am so sorry.
Thanks so much for sharing a powerful story Rachel. It was courageous to do so. We do all have strengths and struggles. That’s a great reminder that we all need to come alongside of and support each other. We appreciate you Rachel.